mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
