We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
