smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
She just used a chaser for red wine.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
