She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize