Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Just invented taco cereal.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
