His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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