I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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