How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
