Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
