did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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