Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
