some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
