So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
