The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
