Who did Billy Mays play for?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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