you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
