I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
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