FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Randomize
