sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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