he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
We got so high we made milksteak
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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