also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
