if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
