Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
