I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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