I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
