There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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