lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
My vagina is officially offended.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Randomize
