The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
