I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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