Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
