i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
