I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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