Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Randomize
