Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
