I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
