Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
