can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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