told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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