Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
the liver wants what the liver wants
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
