Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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