She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
