I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
