hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
