I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
