is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
