I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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