apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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