I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
