i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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