Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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