She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
