friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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