Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
