I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
