I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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