I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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