wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
