it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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