His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize