Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
