i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Randomize
