Screwed.edu
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
