so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
