wanna go halves on a baby?
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize