I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I enjoy the company of your penis
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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