people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
