Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
