Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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