Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
