Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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