singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
